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Deb's Not Here
I'm writing about an unpleasant experience I had about a month ago in hopes of saving others from a similar fate. I accompanied a friend on a weekend trip to visit an old friend of his, someone I'd never met. The friend (W) and I are both pagans; his friend (K) was, he said, a witch. She also makes jewelry, is politically liberal, etc. and sounded like a fun person to meet and get to know. Oh, Brother! I should have stayed home! Not only does W drive like Mister Toad on steroids (I have never ridden in a car where the speedometer needle stayed all the way over to the right-hand side of the dial for half
a day), but K is THE most obnoxious person I have EVER met. Bear in mind
that I'm 50 years old, have a good memory, and have not been any hermit. I've
met and known many people and lived in many places.
I knew there were going to be problems when we got there at the appointed
time, and nobody was home, indeed, nobody came home for 3 hours. W and I slept
in the car like a pair of homeless folks and waited. K breezed in like
royalty at last and while introducing me, W referred to me as a vampire! Bozhe
Moi! Out me, why doncha? Things could be either wonderful now, or horrible.
I got a good idea of the direction it was going when she said, "Oh, I'm no
longer a Gypsy anymore, I'm a Vampire," like the two were roles you took in the
school play. If she had any Rom blood, it was well hidden. As for being a
vampire, nope, just mean and pushy! AND she was no longer a witch, but a
Mormon (today)?
Now, I really didn't sit down to write this to kvetch about what a terrible weekend I'd had, but to talk a bit about shielding, filtering, blending in, and when all else fails, simply sliding under the radar and 'disappearing.' Because that entity did nothing but put me down, insult me, take exception to everything I said, correct and "Instruct" me constantly, and talk down to me for 3 days. And friends, I was trapped a 13 hour drive from my home without even my own car.
When she first started in on me, I tried answering her back politely, but rarely got to finish a sentence. My anger built steadily, and I began to feel sick. So I tried putting up a good, strong shield against her energy. I can shield fairly well, normally; no luck. She was so utterly insensitive and persistent that she just kept 'throwing rocks' at me, so to speak. Filtering then just let all the GOOD energy in the room come through, maybe try and feed myself with some of the excess energy she was shoving at me. Hah! It was
like trying to sieve floodwaters and take a sip or two without drowning. I
was in HELL!
I absented myself from the room whenever possible, taking loooooooooooooong
trips to the bathroom. I read my email, I played in an online RPG I enjoy, but it was HER house, and there was no way in the world to entirely keep away from her, especially since she was dedicated to trampling me underfoot whenever possible.
Why was she DOING this to me, I asked W? Was it some insane jealousy on her
part? I had made it clear that W and I were close, but not knocking boots.
He assured me that she had always been somewhat pushy and egotistical, but
not to this degree. Oh joy, thanks for the 'heads up’! She meant no harm, he
said. Well, fine and dandy, neither does a tornado. I went to bed early
that first night, exhausted in every way possible and wishing I had bus fare
out of there. Or a bazooka.
The next morning I rose with a not inconsiderable amount of trepidation.
Would I just start screaming, would I lose it and brain her? I had another 36
hours to live through with this monster and I wasn’t sure how I'd make it.
Allow me to digress a moment; I grew up with a continually angry father who picked on me every chance he got. Nothing I ever did was right and if I tried to defend myself, I got a beating. I learned to be out of sight whenever possible. That wasn't going to work here. Or would it? Could I pull my own energy, my own presence in so far that she just didn’t notice me? I really didn't see any other options. So I intentionally quieted myself. I brought my breathing down low, I relaxed my muscles; difficult when K was grating my nerves raw but I persisted. I focused my attention internally and did my best
simply to not be there. I saw my energy, my aura, as shrinking down inside
me. I held images in my head of the invisible man peeling off his bandages
and vanishing and repeated the mantra "nothing to see here, nothing to see,
move along now." AND IT WORKED! How ever dismissive K was of me having served
as a High Priestess, I do know a thing or two about energy. While in the
house, she simply failed to remember my existence. Life is never simple, however, and just as you think you've got all your problems solved, new ones arise.
We were all 3 going to Pike Place Market and the local magic shops. I could not beg off, nor did I want to. K, Really Very Important Queen of the Whole World that she is, had her own ideas about shopping. Essentially, she proceeded with great majesty and glacial slowness to examine everything in Tenzing Momo over and again, not to mention 'instructing' the shop owners about the correct uses and means of
employing every item in the shop. I don't know how they stood it. (There was one
girl who left before closing time that had an ’emergency’, probably a migraine.) I've tried to keep from enumerating the instances wherein K stomped on me, not wanting this to become a rant but rather a helpful guide for others who might be caught in similar circumstances. However, I think one such exchange might be illustrative without being merely bitchy. I collect Kali images. Tenzing Momo has many very lovely ones. I got a beautiful magnetized miniature painting of her and a bit of Kali incense. I was very happy with my purchase. K's sneering, superior remark was that it wasn't any GOOD until I could actually BECOME Kali! BECOME KALI? She WANTED me to lop off her head, drink all her blood and dance my victory atop her lifeless corpse until it was
mush? I don't quite think so, however tempting the image. Inside my head, I
called her a moron and had to decide how I was going to become invisible only to
her, and able to enjoy and relate to other people in the stores. Thus, I learned to 'blend.' I focused on being part of the background noise, part of the furniture, a nameless face milling in the crowd. The image I held in my mind was of animals like moths that look like bark on the tree they rest upon. I envisioned my aura, my energy, taking on that of the background. To her I was part of the general rhubarb; but being part of that general
atmosphere I could interact with it and she remained oblivious to me.
All I can say about the techniques I used is that they worked for me, and I've described them the best way I can. Tinker with them on your own, but you'd be wise to practice BEFORE you have to spend 3 days isolated with a psychically abusive brute. You never know when it could happen to you and I CERTAINLY hadn't expected to be trapped in the above nightmare experience. I did have an advantage in my background as a witch in general and a High Priestess in particular, so I was able to try several techniques and develop some as I went along but I do wish I'd known how to vanish and blend in advance. I hope this is of some use to you should you ever (and may you never!) get into such a fix.
Deb (Oni Baba)
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